How To Change Your Thoughts To Give Meaning To The Loss

Our biggest transformations are almost always these tiny little micro adjustments in thought.


Let me explain.

Nobody gets through life without experiencing some form of loss. For me it was the painful experience of my daughter dying. It may be a death, divorce, cancer or the loss of innocence as a child. Whatever the loss – these experiences become a part of our thoughts.

It’s these tiny micro adjustments in our thoughts that have a huge power to give meaning to the loss.

Our words are the result of these deep thoughts and beliefs that we have taken on from our past experiences.

No matter how old they are or steadfast they may seem a slight adjustment in them can often change our world.  And it’s through these tiny adjustments in thoughts that over time become transformations in our life.

Watch The Video.

I have shared so much about the loss of my daughter in a drowning accident years ago because the journey through that loss was encased in lessons.  Lessons of forgiveness, (for myself and for her for leaving me), despair, guilt, faith, survival, love, happiness, and so much more.

That very night of her death I took on beliefs. Some were serving but most were not. Regardless they all seemed very real. As if they were carved in stone as laws. But the reality was, none of them where laws at all.

The lessons I learned came in these tiny ahhh haaa moments, adjustments in thought, that chipped at the stone bit by bit and over time the stone, and the false laws crumbled.

The problem is, many times we never question the beliefs that we take on. We get comfortable with the thoughts and beliefs. We get comfortable with the patterns the routine, repeating day after day, week after week.

The same thoughts and patterns are lived over and over.

It becomes a part of our identity and it’s scary as h*ll to let go of a piece of our identity even when it’s not true.

We feel guilty as we start to let go of grief. Guilty that we start to laugh again, guilty that we can enjoy life again.

Here is where we can get stuck.  Guilt and fear can hold us to the old thoughts, the old words and patterns and we miss those tiny adjustments, the ahh haaa moments that are part of life’s transformations. We miss how we can give meaning to the loss, how we can begin to truly thrive.

Life is precious.

Not just my daughter Serena’s life, but all of us our lives are precious. We are all here for a purpose. The experiences of our past are for a reason and can be our biggest opportunity for transformation.

So how do you find those ahh haaa moments to transform, give meaning to the loss  and thrive?

Know your words are your destiny.

Your words are the expression of your deepest beliefs about what’s possible.

You have the power to choose and change your words and therefore change your life and give meaning to your loss.

Those ahh haaa moments come when you change what you’re telling yourself.

It is the combination of you and your past experiences and the wisdom you’ve gained through these experiences, these ahh haaa moments that become your story to share with the world and can give meaning to the loss.

Listen to your words.   What are you telling yourself?

If you would like to learn more about how to discover inquire and reveal your living journey, leave your name and email at the top of this page and we will send you your complimentary copy of Journal Of Discovery to your inbox today.


To Your Life Without Limits,

Elena & Jean


P.S. We would love to here your thoughts. Leave us a comment below and share with us.  As always please feel free to share this post with your family and friends.

14 replies
  1. Gladys Diaz
    Gladys Diaz says:

    Such a powerful article! My favorite quote is “Know your words are your destiny”! Our thoughts become words and our words become our destiny! Thanks for another great post!

  2. Diane Marie
    Diane Marie says:

    I have come to realize that people aren’t even aware of the words that they are saying. I know for me I wasn’t until I truly started listening to what was coming out of my mouth. I so agree that changing your life starts with changing the words you speak and that they are a direct connection to what you believe. Great post.

    • Jeanmarie Bills
      Jeanmarie Bills says:

      Thanks Diane. For me also. Until I REALLY started to listen to what I was saying, wrote it down, and wrote down an alternative positive statement to use instead did I realize what words I was using. Thanks for your feedback.

    • Jeanmarie Bills
      Jeanmarie Bills says:

      Thank you Alexandra glad it resonated. We know it is so true and that we have the power to change our life if we choose no matter what our past has been. We wish you the best for 2013 also.

  3. Gary Hyman
    Gary Hyman says:

    It’s amazing the power a person has in order to change any situation. Thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions, and actions lead to results. Many people get trapped in the cycle, as you put it, “we get comfortable with the patterns the routine, repeating day after day, week after week.”. Having an inner awareness, and “listening” to your words is definitely a great place to start for any change. I’m so happy that you were able to “listen” to your words, and come up with the “ahhh haaa moments”. Jean, all the best to you for 2013 & beyond.

  4. Marie Leslie
    Marie Leslie says:

    The power of our words is so amazing. And it is a continual process to make sure we are telling ourselves the right things. It is nearly daily that I find myself rewriting my own script. And it is making a difference as I replace the old negative messages with new positive and powerfully good ones.

    • Jeanmarie Bills
      Jeanmarie Bills says:

      I agree Marie it’s a continues process. It gets easier in that we learn the process to deal with the negative thoughts, but as long as we are growing and challenging ourselves I think they always come up.

  5. Susan Myers
    Susan Myers says:

    I love this message! You are so on the mark by saying, “Nobody gets through life without experiencing some form of loss.” I believe once we accept this concept, we can really move forward to change our thoughts and things.

  6. Mel
    Mel says:

    I’ve just lost my fatherinlaw to cancer and painful is an understatement …………. I watched him suffer and it haunts my dreams and my waking moments , it’s messed with my head big time I can only hope he’s at peace now …………. My New Years resolution is to live life to the full ………… Enjoy every moment with my family and to always be mindfull of other people x

    • Jeanmarie Bills
      Jeanmarie Bills says:

      Mel I love your New Years resolution! Death of someone close to us has tons of lessons. I like you felt one of the biggest lessons was how precious life is, not just our loved ones but each of us. Our lives are precious and we are here for a reason. We wish you a peaceful 2013 filled with love.


Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *